A Toast to Greatness

Originally posted September 7, 2009

I find myself thinking a lot these days about funerals, which I have always, ironically, approached with both dread and gratitude. Dread, of course, for all the overwhelmingly sad emotions one experiences. Gratitude for the perspective, albeit brief, I experience at the death of a loved one. A perspective that only seems to come when you are confronted with the harsh reality of never ever being able to laugh, hug, kiss, cry, love that person again.

My last grandparent (grandmother) died in 2006. Despite the fact that she was dying for 6 months, I never took the time to tell her how much I loved her. When she was dead, I knew I would never have this opportunity again, so I decided to try, as socially awkward and embarrassing as it can be, to let people know how appreciative I am for them while they are alive. Why save all that appreciation for the wakes, viewings, funerals and post funeral gatherings over finger sandwhiches, deli trays and coffee and tea? While there is an element of healing that takes place amongst those of us still alive during the story telling of our friends, why not let them know how we feel when they are alive?

So here are some kind words about some really wonderful people for whom I am most grateful:

Dad: You are an amazing man who has worked hard his whole life to support your family. You instilled in me the importance of a good work ethic and being on time. Rarely did a day go by that you didn't tell me you loved me. Besides, how can you not love a dad who tells you, "You know, a guy will tell you anything to get in your pants." I love you dearly, dad.

Mom: You are the peacekeeper in the family-always have been, always will be. Always running interference, either between CJ and me, CJ and me and dad and others in the family. You are the matriarch. You are what makes us strong. You also taught me the importance of being kind and that as a girl/woman, there isn't anything I couldn't do. More parents need to teach their daughters that lesson. Thanks so much for that. I love and thank you.

Courtney: Your calling in life has clearly been that of a mother. The love, kindness, patience, respect, discipline, friendship, silliness-among many other things, that you show your daughter is beautiful to watch. I am loving watching her growing up and loving watching you parent her. It takes an incredibly strong person to do what you have done/are doing. I love you as a sister. I love you as a friend.

Doug: What can I say that I haven't already posted on Facebook? You make me want to be a better version of myself. I can't believe we've been together for 25 years, and that it keeps getting better. You + Me = ;-)

Carleen: You were there for me during a time when I needed you most. I am indebted to you forever for that. You are strong. You are stronger than you can imagine. I am so overwhelmed by your love for and committment to your children.

Ann: You are smart, sexy, strong, confident, capable, strategic, kind, generous, eager to learn. There aren't enough words-but two sum it up: Anam Cara.

Lynne and Dan: There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, because there isn't anything you wouldn't do for me. How blessed I am to have an aunt/uncle/niece relationship turn into such an amazing friendship. You are two of the kindest people on the planet-and these are not feelings that are unique to me. You have left an indelible mark on your family and community.

Jane: You are the fire spirit of the family. While I don't always love what you say, I love that you aren't afraid to say it. I feel I have lived too much of life "afraid" to say what I really feel. You have been an inspiration. You are also very kind and generous and I believe you would do anything for me-and that is a blessing for me. But I am most grateful for your two children-they are amazing people and you should be so proud. Zachary has your fire and Caitlin your kindness. I love you and them dearly!

Chelle: You made a tough decision, the toughest-but I believe it was so good for you. I love watching you in your new life and being a part of that journey. You and strength you will never believe-but it is my hope that one day you do!

Amy: Thanks for making me realize there is no age limit for fun and encouraging me to be all that I can be. Thanks for working through things with me the last year and not giving up.

Stefanie: You are so much smarter and creative then you believe. Thank you for making me feel that way and for being so incredibly supportive. I hope you know how much I appreciate it. There are days at work I couldn't get by without you.

Sophia: Thanks for reconnecting! I have always admired your poise and confidence. I don't think it is a coincidence we've connected at a time while we are both looking for something new and different. I look forward to the journey with you. Thanks also for letting me know it was o.k. to have fun in college. Thanks also for not letting me go over to the dark side over the weekend.

There are so many wonderful people in my life to thank and with whom without I would not be the person I am. To all of you, I am indebted.