My September Issue

Originally posted February 28, 2010

I just finished watching "September Issue." The movie about Vogue's famous September issue-tons of pages, models, clothes, advertising, money, etc. It was pretty interesting. I was struck by a comment by one of the staffers that the September issue is like everyone's January. It is the time for transformation and new beginnings. This entry is my September issue.

I started this blog last October and was very excited about it. Excited about the opportunity to write, which I love to do, whether anyone else was going to read it or not. It was a good way to express some thoughts I was having at the time and process a few notions. I really liked it. It even led, in fact, to a very brief blogging stint (two entries) as a political blogger at the Detroit News, which I will return to, but I digress.....

So I posted a few blogs in the fall and then I stopped immediately in November, which is when I realized I didn't have the stomach to blog for the Detroit News, and I felt so miserable about it I didn't want to even pick this personal blog up. My blogging for the News was a complete failure. Oh, I loved it. And I loved what I had to say, but I could not for a million years stomach the comments back from people. It paralyzed me. It took me so long to create those two measly blog entries, and I realized it was going to take even longer to try to craft reasonable responses to "those" people's comments and criticisms. And by "those" people, of course, I mean very conservative readers who thought I was an idiot. I had been so excited about the blogging opportunity! I sent out an email to a lot of people (family and friends) letting them know about the blog. Only to have to deal with the embarrassing response to their comments/questions, "Are you still blogging? I can't find you anywhere." Oh, I had several good excuses-it got busy at work, I was wrapping up my grad degree, I had to go to Walt Disney World for a vacation, I was really stressed out about my dad's health. But the bottom line was, I gave up. I didn't have the stomach for it. I had failed. I felt miserable for a long time, which I can tell by reading my December post about "Self Sabotage." OMG! Could I beat myself up anymore about something that seems so vain and insignificant?

But did I fail? Does anyone of us fail who attempts to go outside of their comfort zone, is confronted with defeat and eventually admits to it honestly? Today is the very first time that I even uttered the words failure in regards to the Detroit News blog. And I am so glad I did because it helped me realize, ironically, that I didn't fail, things just didn't end up as I had hoped/expected. Isn't that basically life for most of us? So, I can't handle criticism and am not very great at debating. Who really is?

I suppose the blogging incident coupled with the fact that I got demoted last year at work didn't help either. Looking back, the demotion was a blessing for both me and the company and it just made me realize that things don't always work out as we plan.  And that new and different and realized isn't necessarily worse, it's just new and different and realized.

As my September issue unfolds and I am confronted with transformation and new beginnings, I feel good about my News blogging experience. I mean, I learned something about myself and who I am. How can that be bad? I am also grateful that my company realized my struggle in my position wasn't helping anyone out and still valued me enough to keep me gainfully employed. What used to be perceived as personal failures are now lessons learned. I'm putting the "issue" to rest.